After the birth of our fourth biological child, we decided we were done having children and made that permanent with a medical procedure. We figured if we ended up wanting more children there would be ways to do that without getting pregnant again. However, we were content with our four.
When the topic of adoption has come up in the past, I have said on many occasions, "Hubby and I are open to the idea of adoption but he or she would have to find us. If it's meant to be, I won't have to seek it out."
We moved here in 2004 when our youngest child was just one. Over the next couple of years, Hubby and I both had moments of feeling like someone was missing but never were those moments at the same time. When our youngest turned 4, we were approached by a friend to foster to adopt her 4 year niece who was in a difficult situation. I began the classes for fostering and we met this beautiful little girl. I never felt good about it. I continued forward because I figured it would probably take time. On my second week of classes, we got a phone call saying a family member had stepped forward for the little girl. I felt relief. The situation never felt right.
Over the next few years, the moments of someone missing continued sporadically for both of us but we still felt contentment with our four. We didn't feel this desire to actively seek a fifth child.
On July 21, 2012, I was with my two boys at a soccer tournament. In between games, I was killing time on my phone looking at facebook. I came across my dear friend Stef's post introducing a young man who was nearing the dreaded "aging out" year. In China, once you turn 14, you are no longer able to be adopted. This young man was 12 and had been available for adoption for the previous 7 years. Why would it take 7 years for this young man to find a family?
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My heart ached for this young man. My body tingled all over with anxiousness. I was baffled by my reaction. I knew I had to say something to my husband. I called Hubby and told him I had come across an interesting post by Stef on facebook and for him to check it out. I felt relief after talking to him. I had done my part by not ignoring what I saw. Now I just hoped Hubby would get busy and forget to look then I wouldn't hear of it anymore. Remember, I was very content with my four.
An hour later, Hubby calls. "Let's do it," he says. Three words that will change our family forever. I was terrified. I didn't want to do it. This young man felt like mine but I knew it would challenging and very expensive. My head was not in sync with my heart.
I dreamt about this young man for the next 4 nights as my mind battled my heart. I would come to the conclusion to do it and then all the fear and doubt would creap in. The kids were on board and Hubby was on board. The pressure was on me.
On the fourth day of inner turmoil, I was in the shower when I had the thought, "Go to the temple." Hubby had just gotten home from a night shift and gone to bed so I went to the temple alone. For those not of our faith, we believe the temple is the most sacred place to be for us here on earth. It is our Heavenly Father's house. I needed to be there to pray. I walked in to the temple a woman with many questions. Could I love this young man like I love my own. If I can't, I don't want to do it. What if he doesn't like me? What if I don't like him? What challenges will arise? What if he has more unknown medical issues? As soon as I would feel good about doing it, doubt would arise. I needed the doubt to go away.
I prayed harder than I have ever prayed. My prayer evolved to "Heavenly Father, I feel like I am supposed to do this but I need peace. I need to know without any doubt that my son is in China." Immediately, a peace and calm washed over me. I can say, to this day, that since that moment, I HAVE NEVER DOUBTED that my son is in China and we need to bring him home.
I am no longer content. Part of my family is missing. Amazing how just a moment changes everything. Our son had found us.
13 months later, after much paperwork and money, we are almost there. September 2nd is our Gotcha Day. The day we meet our new son. We fly out August 26th.
Here are a few pictures we have received over this past year. Not many but we are thankful for every single one.
Kai outside his orphanage on their new playground with his friends. The foreign young man is our Irish friend who spends his summers volunteering in the orphanages in China. Such an inspiring young man.
The below pictures are of Kai receiving our care packages. He is reading a letter we had translated. In the bottom picture, he is showing our photobook I sent.
I see this smile everyday. It makes my heart melt. I can't wait to see him in person.
