GOTCHA DAY ANNIVERSARY

One year ago, our family changed. On this date of last year, we were sitting in a Civil Affairs building watching several other families meet their mostly toddler children for the first time. We were the last to meet our son who was thirteen at the time.

I remember my stomach being in knots that day. I hadn't been that nervous in quite some time. Here are my thoughts from the blog that day:

Today is the day. It's Gotcha Day. A day we have been waiting for for over 14 months. Having never experienced it before, we only had a small idea of what it would be like from what friends have told us and watching Lisa Ling do a documentary of Chinese adoption. 

Last night, I dreamed of Kai. I had a hard night sleeping even with the aid of a sleeping pill with excitement and nerves for today. 

We left the hotel at 9:30 am for the Civil Affairs office this morning and found several toddlers waiting with their caretakers. We were the first of the adoptive families to arrive. We witnessed as families entered after we did to their new children. It was so heartwarming to witness. We couldn't help but let the tears flow as we watched little children whose lives were now being changed forever. I will never forget the joy on the new mom and dad's faces as they saw their children for the first time. I wish you could all experience it. Some children were perfectly content in the laps of their new parents and others had a harder time with the experience.

Our son was the last to arrive. He walked in and I immediately approached him. Angela, who works at his orphanage, introduced me as his mother and I put my arm around Kai. He immediately tensed up and wouldn't make any eye contact. Angela explained that this is what he does when he meets someone new. He was introduced to each of us individually and continued to not show any eye contact or speak. I was ok. I feel like I have been prepped enough to know this was going to be difficult for him. I knew of his shyness and I was not surprised by his reaction.

We are now experiencing everything through fresh new eyes. Just walking down the street with Kai is a new experience. Eating lunch today at a restaurant with Kai was a new experience for him. I find this so exciting.I should mention that at lunch today, he dished up some food onto Macy's plate for her. This doesn't sound like a big deal but, for me, it was a big deal. He initiated a kind gesture toward his new sister. We feel him warming to us just after half a day with us.

This will be a challenge for Kai and for all of us. But it's a challenge we are supposed to have. We know he was directed to our family for a reason. I don't know what that reason is but find great comfort in knowing he was handpicked for us..

Over this past year, we have seen a frightened young man who didn't want to talk to anybody join a school soccer team. We have seen a young man who believed in his heart that he only had one hand double his weak hand strength and use it. We have heard the sad stories of his heart as he tells us about his life in China. We have a young man who used to have zero self esteem now act silly and happy. It's an amazing transformation...but a transformation that has been challenging and hard at times.

I asked our kids to write down the answers to three questions.

What have you learned this past year?

Their answers individually:

I learned that adopting can be hard. I have also learned alot about Chinese culture.
I have learned that no matter where you come from ,or what situation you are in, things can and will get better. I also learned how to make quick and smart decisions. When it is crunch time and we are on the verge of a meltdown, on move can make or break it.
I have learned that I need to be more responsible and put in more time with the family and help workout the problems with Kai.
We can do anything as a family if we help each other.

What has been good about Kai joining our family?

It has taught everybody patience and showed how not everyone has a wonderful life. 
Kai's sense of humor. He is funny and messes around and also has made me change because I have to babysit him and watch over him so that gives responsibility.
He is funny and he fits right in. I know he was meant to be my brother. I am just waiting for the day when things are not difficult and often stressful.
He has influenced our eating habits alot so we eat healthier. Also, he has brought so much joy and happiness into our lives. 

What has been difficult?

Not getting alot of attention because he needs alot of attention from my parents and siblings.
Alot. He doesn't often make me mad but when he does, it is because of the constant stress from not knowing what he will do next or how he will act/respond to something. Sometimes him blaming me for something or saying something and acting like the last straw on a camels back before it falls down. But he is cool and I love him.
He has a temper and argues alot. Sometimes he gets mad over the smallest things and when he throws his big tantrums, it scares me. 
It gets frustrating to not be able to do things because of him or when he gets whatever he wants. 

We have ALL had to stretch and grow this past year. Sometimes, Gotcha Day feels like yesterday and other times it feels so far away.

I am so profoundly proud of the progress Kai has made this year. I am so thankful for the support system that is provided to me. We are surrounded by amazing family and friends.

There is still a lot of growth to do. I pray this next year will have more laughter than tears and Kai will continue to try new things even though it's scary. I am so proud of this brave son of mine.